Dear DP:

I may have an idea regarding what is nagging you. I will develop my idea as I type and will look forward to you telling me what you think of it:

as an adult you probably know that there are people who are in monogamous, loving relationships and are committed to each other. You are familiar with the concept. But a child only knows what he experiences at home. There is no outside information to modify his beliefs.

At home your mother was the committed party to the marriage and the result: she suffered a lot. Your father was the non-committed party to the marriage, the cheating one, the one leaving, and he did not suffer.

You do not want to suffer, naturally.

From your experience of childhood, to not suffer, you need to be like your father, to cheat, to not be committed, to leave… but you don’t want to be like him because of your strong sense of justice, that it is not right to cheat, to make the other party suffer. Hence the conflict.

In the child’s brain, it is either being like your mother, committed and suffering or like your father, not committed and not suffering.

Could it be it?

anita