Dear Poppyxo:

Welcome back. In your last May post you shared about the very beginning of this relationship, how exciting, that it is still going on.

Regarding how to communicate to him that his negative attitude is affecting you negatively without discouraging him from expressing himself: tell him just that, that it is important for you that the two of you continue to express yourselves honestly and openly. And that when one is repeating the same distress to  the other, with no resolution of the distress, not inviting the other’s help other than a sounding board, that it is not fair to the sounding board.

It is about expressing oneself honestly, authentically and responsibly. The responsibility part is when either one of you is sharing a particular distress repeatedly and there is no possibility, in the mind of the one doing the sharing, of helpful input by the one listening, then the one sharing should stop sharing.

You can think of a time when you repeatedly shared something distressing with him, with no resolution possible in mind, and let him know of that time (if it exists), letting him know he is not the only one needing to share responsibly.

anita