Dear Anita

I am happy you are aware of your coming panic attacks and have your ways to recover.

Yes I guess it is because my father used to ignore me. He didn’t even do anything bad, he just kept ignoring me.He argued with my mother and I saw he cared and was angry, but me? He didn’t even see me. I guess I always let go of good people in my life and justify their leaving but when it comes to people with bad influence I always seek their attention, and see them as a challenge. To change them, to make them see me, to make them care, I have to earn it. Which I never do. And then I suffer. This happened several times with some people although I always seem to let go sooner or later but this one person.. It started  8 years ago when we met. A year ago we started dating but he was on my mind way earlier. I can’t let him go. I ended this so that I wouldn’t have any way back to him because I don’t trust myself. I knew I would want to but I also knew I couldn’t handle it anymore. I feel better when it comes to my anxiety, I am more calm, but still don’t know how to stop suffering. How to let go and not feel hurt so much.