Dear basil:

Welcome back.

The key sentence, in your share, for me is: “he just avoids any emotional discussion”.

This means that the only person who can give you the answers you need will not do so. And so you other people, on this thread to give you the answers he will not give you.

I will try to give you answers, some are certain others are possibilities:

“Does he pings me when he has physical needs, or is he scared of getting close to  me again”?- he has physical needs, that is a certainty. I know so because he has been getting physically intimate with you. His physical needs do play a role in his behavior with you but I do not know the extent of the role. It is not certain that he contacts you for this purpose, but it comes into play somehow, somewhere along this pattern of behavior.

Is he scared of getting close to you again? Maybe, but not necessarily because you were involved with your ex boyfriend before, going in between the two. He may have been scared even if there was never an ex boyfriend in the picture. And then, he may not be scared at all, not of getting hurt by you. (Everyone though is scared of something). He may get together with you again and again simply because he is available at this or that time and so are you.

Regardless of his motivation, he is not reliable. He is not honest with you, not open.

I would say that you may be caught in your own guilt over having the two men in your life at one time, seeing reality now as if it is your past doing and that you need to correct it. All along, reality now may very well have nothing to do with that past.

I do hope you exit this trap I believe you are in, and look beyond your experience with these two men. Leave the two behind and look around, for a fresh start.

anita