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Extrovert and Introvert

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  • #175215
    basil
    Participant

    Hey ,

    I am kind of in a messed up relationship with an introvert guy(say Jason). So , I met him 1.5 years back. That time i was in a relationship , but as opposites attract , i felt that connection with him and he felt the same for me. But we didnt proceed until , due to family reasons , me and my den bf broke up. Soon ,  i shifted in the same city where Jason stayed. We developed an instant connection and all things were good. Though Jason had also cited family issues , which may cause some problems in long term relationship , he was happy to have me in his life and wanted to proceed wd me . All of a sudden my ex came back in my life and wanted to continue things with me stating that family issues have been resolved . Messed up and tormented between  a guy i met 6 months back and a guy i was in a relationship from 3years , i went into a series of yes and no , and hurting both of them .

    Eventually , i decided not to proceed with my ex , but by then Jason had pulled back . Jason became neutral ( atleast he showed). I tried hard to patiently deal with the situation. I could feel the warmth and love , that was earlier , was missing now. I expressed my interest in having a serious relationship and he pulled back further saying that he does not have any feelings for me then. Then started a cycle of either of us texting each other, meeting each other , physical intimacy , fighting and den not talking for months. This has been going on from the past 9 months and I am totally tired now. So , we would not talk for like a month , someone of us , would text each other , we would chat normally , meet , get physically involved , then I would discuss  for emotional security , den a fight and den again a period of a month’s silence.

    Lately , i have been reading about introverts behavior towards heart break and the way dey invest their time in some people and generally pull back after physical intimacy. The point is , i feel he likes me , but as he feels that he is getting too close to me , he will stop any contact with me . how to interpret this behavior . Does he pings me when he has physical needs( which i dnt feel is the truth, but dont want to rule out any option ) , or is he scared of getting close to  me again. His behavior is driving me nuts. what should i do ? he just avoids any emotional discussion. doesnt message me for days . But , my heart is craving to meet the same person whom i met earlier. its not ready to let go . what should i do ? can anyone bring me to the nearest possible understanding of his beahvior.

     

    #175233
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear basil:

    Welcome back.

    The key sentence, in your share, for me is: “he just avoids any emotional discussion”.

    This means that the only person who can give you the answers you need will not do so. And so you other people, on this thread to give you the answers he will not give you.

    I will try to give you answers, some are certain others are possibilities:

    “Does he pings me when he has physical needs, or is he scared of getting close to  me again”?- he has physical needs, that is a certainty. I know so because he has been getting physically intimate with you. His physical needs do play a role in his behavior with you but I do not know the extent of the role. It is not certain that he contacts you for this purpose, but it comes into play somehow, somewhere along this pattern of behavior.

    Is he scared of getting close to you again? Maybe, but not necessarily because you were involved with your ex boyfriend before, going in between the two. He may have been scared even if there was never an ex boyfriend in the picture. And then, he may not be scared at all, not of getting hurt by you. (Everyone though is scared of something). He may get together with you again and again simply because he is available at this or that time and so are you.

    Regardless of his motivation, he is not reliable. He is not honest with you, not open.

    I would say that you may be caught in your own guilt over having the two men in your life at one time, seeing reality now as if it is your past doing and that you need to correct it. All along, reality now may very well have nothing to do with that past.

    I do hope you exit this trap I believe you are in, and look beyond your experience with these two men. Leave the two behind and look around, for a fresh start.

    anita

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