Dear Louise:

You asked: “Is he an abusive man or is it all my fault?”- at times he was abusive to you. It may also be that at times you were abusive to him, although not in the same ways. I don’t know. He clearly has trouble controlling his behavior when angry and his behavior is abusive.

Usually there is fault or responsibility on both sides of a relationship. For example, you mentioned arguments, if you start most or all of them, then you are responsible for those. You are responsible for your participation in the interactions with him and he is responsible for his.

Who started some or most of those arguments and what were they about? Can you give an example of one and how it proceeded?

anita