Dear Wanderlust16:

Sharing your truth is a powerful experience and I hope you do that.

Regarding his truth: I don’t know what it is, of course, but here are two possibilities. Again, these are only possibilities:

1. He had a very overbearing mother, one who trapped him, emotionally, perhaps via guilt trips, reaching out to him for inappropriate intimacy of some kind. Growing up with her was an emotional torture to him. Therefore, living with a woman translates to torture, in his mind. And yet, he needs intimacy once in a while, it being a human need. But if he feels trapped in intimacy, his distress is overwhelming and he needs Out.

The six month travel with little to no contact in his previous relationship was that Out.

He told you again and again that he doesn’t want a relationship so that Out is available to him, so that he has the comfort in that Out being there the whole time. When on vacations with you, he felt safe enough to be genuinely loving to you because of this pre-arranged Out.

2. His mother often left him, either physically or rejected him. He reached out to her and again and again was hurt. He felt anxious without her, needing her and he felt hurt and anxious when interacting with her. As an adult he needs interacting lovingly with a woman, so he does, but making sure he doesn’t get hurt by the woman leaving him or rejecting him, best he can.

* If any of these possibilities is correct, he is not likely to share it with you and so he is not likely to get any closure. Reason is he hasn’t heal from his childhood experience so he is not ready to disclose it and find peace in communication with you.

anita