Thank you Anita.  I suppose I’m struggling so much because I know, for me personally, when I say something in anger, there is a truth to it.  For instance I very much wanted to say to him “You’re a narcissist and you NEVER think of anyone other than yourself!”  I didn’t, but I do truly think that.

He invalidated my feelings of love for him (which I actually am not sure were genuine but again, I would absolutely never say that to him), which wounded me.

But yes… I do know, deep down, that I was important to him on some level. This has been my first relationship that has ended so messily and I’m just completely shocked by my behavior.  I should have let sleeping dogs lie.