Dear Tom:

I don’t think it matters much if you place your thread under “Relationships”.

I think it is best for you to not have contact with your ex girlfriend. Assuming you are attending quality psychotherapy, such contact can interfere with your healing in therapy. Of course, talking to your therapist about it (did you?) is probably a good idea.

She is engaged in a relationship with another man. For that reason alone, it is best for her and for you to not be in contact.  She wanted to see your therapist alone. I hope she sees a therapist alone, for individual therapy.

She told you that you “only one that understands who she is and can comfort her”- problem is that didn’t stop the fighting in the relationship, fighting that was mutual. She was not comforted enough to not fight, not comforted enough to not be anxious (“I think we are both anxiously avoidant attached”).

Maybe I should ask: do you believe the anxiety and fighting in the relationship was mutual, that is, that she is responsible for her part in it?

anita