A4u and Anita,

both your messages have gave me so much hope and calmness today!

A4u you are spot on about the fear thing. I can see it clear sometimes… that when I feel fear I push my partner away. My subconscious tells me to leave him and suffer alone. I must find out more about this! A clear example of this was just last week… I was on track for 2 whole weeks and started feeling the wedding vibes again. My mum was up visiting, I had a long hard day at work and arrived home to my Mum who had brought my young nieces and nephews over. I had no food in for them, the dog ran away earlier that day, my mum had fed him his dinner at breakfast time and I was severely stressed out about the whole situation! I went to bed that night and felt myself falling and falling deep in my thoughts. And since then have been feeling low and sad again. Could this also indicate the fear in me? My family know that I need to make plans to have the kids around otherwise I get stressed. I was so angry at my mum for bringing them all over while I was at work. I’m aware I must sound like a spoilt brat but it’s the way I have always been with the kids being around!

The journey you have suggested about getting myself back is familiar to me… this was my mums suggestion and it’s early days. I am finding hope and direction…. I guess my constant worry is if it’s possible to do this as a couple! I want it to be. Is it possible?!

Xxxx