Dear  Allison:

You wrote earlier that you broke a lot of hearts. The hearts that would concern me, if I was you,  would be the children’s hearts. There are many ways to break children’s hearts. One way is to fight in front of them, for children to witness their parents fighting (did you?). Another way is to show aggression to the children, physical or otherwise. Another yet, is to share too much with them, expressing one’s sadness too much so that the child tries to take care of the parent (does he share too much with the fourteen year old?)

Depending on the nature  of the marriage, a separation is not necessarily the worst you can do to children, and  it may be the better option.

You did write that you started counseling and that he was  willing to work on the marriage but your heart was  not in it. Do you want to share more about the nature of that counseling: how many times and how did it progress?

anita