Hi Franky,

I had to smile while reading your post. Reads to me that you have a pretty nice family. Families go through changes and periods of “disequilibrium”, and it’s all normal. Significant changes in a family start to happen when children go through adolescence which started in your family many years ago, and again through emerging adulthood (ages 18-25) which you are also past now. Emerging adulthood is the age of identity explorations when people explore possibilities in love and work. It’s also the time when many people leave their families of origin and transform themselves – make independent decisions about what kind of people they wish to be and realize that they are not made only in the parents’ images. (Emerging adulthood doesn’t exist in all cultures, and I’m not sure what your culture is.) At the same time that all these changes are happening  for the adult children in a family,  parents are typically going through midlife which also impacts  the family system. Midlife can be difficult as it’s considered a time when people feel less energy, may have a decline in health, feel less attractive, less creative. It’s also a time when they may reexamine their lives and feel very dissatisfied. All of these changes create tension between parents and their adult children, and relationships between them typically improve once the young people leave the home. It’s all normal.

You say, “I’m a point where I need some advice on how to handle my family and live my life however I want to live it and not through some complaints or unwanted help. Should I stand up for myself or should I let life find a way?” It may be time to start to think about leaving home, if possible. If this is not possible, talk to your parents about the way you feel, and listen to them when they tell you how they feel. Be aware and understanding of what each of you is going through. As far as your sister goes, if visiting her causes you distress, don’t visit her.

Hang in there, Franky. It gets better.

B