Forum Replies Created
January 11, 2021 at 12:43 pm #372608
Tracy has multiple DUI’s, yet continues to drink and drive.
This demonstrates to me that Tracy does not have good judgement. This is all I’d need to know. She may be a wonderful person with a huge heart but there’s no way in hell my son is going to be left alone under her supervision.
…the evening never fails to devolve into a drunken shouting contest of obscenities and inappropriate conduct.
Get a babysitter and leave your son at home. Don’t try to justify exposing a young kid to that. Trust your good instincts.
BJanuary 9, 2021 at 4:02 pm #372519
You’re not required to share your coworker’s religious beliefs just as he’s not required to share yours. We’re all different, believe different things. His ego needs to be right and doesn’t want to accommodate any religious beliefs that are different from his own, but your ego is similar. You’re finding yourself upset, disgusted, and enraged because of your intolerance to his beliefs. Your ego wants to make him an enemy.
Don’t make him an enemy. Don’t fall into the trap of having to make yourself right and him wrong. Just accept that we all believe what we believe.
This happens with political beliefs too, the desire to make those on the other side of the aisle our enemies.
For this reason, religion and politics are topics many people choose not to discuss.
BDecember 31, 2020 at 9:42 pm #372017
When a woman whose marriage is rocky finds herself emotionally attached to an attractive man with marriage troubles of his own, it’s only a matter of time before her unfulfilled expectations become major disappointments. This is why she wants a break.
BDecember 18, 2020 at 12:37 pm #371337
The involuntary and repetitive voices in our heads are conditioned by our difficult pasts. We all have these voices but for many of us they are more negative and persistent. We’re at the mercy of them until we make the decision to not be. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking there’s something wrong with you. The instant you become aware of what’s happening in your mind is also the instant that the voices lose some of their power over you.
Once you become aware of what’s happening inside your head, you’re starting to break free.
I recommend reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. This book helped me break free.
BDecember 17, 2020 at 6:57 pm #371288
I don’t know how to overcome this grief.
Through the tough days ahead try to have faith that your pain will eventually lead to healing and peace.
When I realize that my thoughts and feelings are creating distress in me I take a “time out” and focus on my breathing. I close my eyes and concentrate on each breath, visualizing the air entering my lungs and then exiting. When distracted by an unpleasant thought during this exercise I don’t fight the thought; I let the thought come, relax my shoulders, and then get back to focusing on each breath. Our minds are constantly scanning for thoughts to attach themselves to (often negative ones) so by concentrating on each breath we’re giving our minds little breaks from the negativity and grief, and what a relief it is to have little breaks. Sometimes it takes many breaths and several minutes to feel a little calmer, better.
Rob, this exercise may be difficult at first but if you stick with it in time you may realize that no matter where you are and what you’re doing, when you’re feeling badly you have the ability to help yourself feel a little bit better. Knowing this makes me feel empowered and brings me some peace.
One day at a time, Rob. 🙂
BOctober 30, 2020 at 12:57 pm #368456
When the information we share with another person is upsetting to that person, he/she may resent us for it and not want to be around us anymore. When that happens, it’s important to respect that person’s boundaries no matter how heartbreaking it is for us.
Do the right thing and don’t send the letter.
BOctober 29, 2020 at 9:35 am #368410
Hi KayCee – How are you doing? -BSeptember 26, 2020 at 10:54 am #367280
We all make mistakes and I think everyone deserves another chance. Am I thinking bad?
No, you are right, we all make mistakes but I don’t believe that what’s happening here are “mistakes”. I think this guy has a serious character flaw that will prevent him from having an honest and healthy relationship with anyone. I believe that your low self-esteem coupled with your strong desire to have a “happy ending” with this man are distorting your perception of this situation.
I also understand how difficult it would be for you to end a relationship that you’ve invested a whole year into and that you believe is headed toward marriage.
If you had a younger sister whom you love very much who was in your situation, what advice would you give to her?
BSeptember 25, 2020 at 9:50 pm #367257
I feel like I’m in a game against two people….I want to try to be smart and turn “the game” against her… But how do I do this? I feel that my self-esteem is so low… I’m going crazy with this situation… What can I do?
You want to turn the game against her? I hope you leave the game instead! This guy’s totally untrustworthy! If he’s contacting other women only one year into this relationship then he’ll continue to do so for many years to come. This is who he is. Are you willing to settle for a guy like this?
I think I counted at least 3 times he’s lied to you. It doesn’t matter how caring he was at the beginning of the relationship or how many times he brought you flowers. How many more lies will it take before you realize that it’s time to move on and find a decent, trustworthy guy? Zero, I hope.
Leave this guy.
BSeptember 4, 2020 at 2:34 pm #366176
The answers you’ve received are all so good, and may I just say that whenever I read from Peter I walk away inspired. “Letting go” is about accepting and observing each thought instead of resisting or identifying with it. If your thoughts consist of problems that you are resisting or identifying with then you will suffer.
For example, say you’ve had a falling out with a close friend because she made a terribly hurtful comment to you, and every time you think about it you relive the suffering of this experience. You may think that one solution to this problem would be to not think about her making the comment to you (resist the thought), but this rarely works because we can’t control our thoughts, so an alternative is to accept that you’re having the thought but choose to not relive the suffering. This can be accomplished by envisioning her making the same hurtful comment to a random person instead of you. In other words, become an objective observer of the situation happening to someone else, like watching two people interacting in a movie. You may feel angry, sad, and sympathetic but there’s some space now between you and the situation meaning less personal suffering for you, right? By observing the situation from this detached perspective you still feel feelings but experience less suffering. Now go ahead and insert yourself back into the situation, and take a deep breath. Objectively observe the situation happening to you just like you did earlier to the random person. How do you feel now? You see and hear the hurtful comment being made to you, and you fully accept that this thought is now in your head and you choose not to resist it, but this time do you identify with the thought a little less than before? Do you feel a little less angry, sad, and hurt? If so, you now have an awareness that you have the ability to observe yourself from a detached perspective and still feel feelings but experience less suffering. Over time the hurt/suffering from the situation may become less and less until it disappears altogether. It doesn’t happen instantaneously; it happens over time. To me, this is “letting go”.
As Peter says, “Letting go is not a state of indifference or forgetting…Its a process of growth as we bravely observe the experience…”
BSeptember 2, 2020 at 6:25 pm #366020
You are very welcome, JoJo.
BSeptember 1, 2020 at 8:28 am #365937
How are you making sure everyone is aware that this problem can occur?
I told them about your first post so that when they’re purchasing a new swimsuit they’ll be aware that this can occur. I learn a lot on this website and frequently share those things with them. Anyway, like me, they view this as more funny than serious, and thankfully we all have dark or colorful swimsuits. 🙂
I predict that as time goes by this situation will become less significant for you. Do you think so too?
BAugust 29, 2020 at 1:51 pm #365800
Thanks for the update. I hope your lunch today went very well. To answer your question, I think he’s a.o.k. and that this will not affect your friendship at all. It took guts to say what he did to you. I think he’s an honest and sincere person. If I were in your shoes I’d be very relaxed, happy, and friendly around him; show him that no harm was done. Sheer swim shorts could happen to anyone!
Your sharing your situation has been so helpful to me and I’m guessing other TB members as well. I now make sure that everyone in my family has high quality, non-sheer swimsuits! 🙂 I never thought about this before so thank you, JoJo.
And what a nice neighbor you have to put up a new light fixture for you today!
BAugust 27, 2020 at 2:02 pm #365707
Thanks for the clarification, and I agree with you that what occurred is indeed very odd.
BAugust 27, 2020 at 8:26 am #365654
That’s an interesting experience. Is it possible that after you proceeded through the unexpected gap in the fence and continued your walk around the outer edges, a worker adjusted the fence so that there was no longer a gap that people could get through?