Leaving the love of my life at the other side of the world

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    So this is my story… I am a 32 year old man who has been living abroad for 8 years. I moved overseas because my ex-boyfriend was studying outside our home country. I got a scholarship and graduated from a prestigious university. We broke up after about 4.5 years of relationship and never came back. Since then, we haven’t managed to move on and feelings have failed us for another 3.5 years. Now he is seeing someone else, but he still loves me. He told me about the new guy early on in the relationship, but I didn’t have the right to ask him to break up with him since we weren’t a couple. They are not together either, it’s more of a casual thing. My mother is sick with cancer and I will go back to my country to take care of her. Even though it’s not goodbye forever, it feels like shit. I feel like crying every day and I’m afraid that if I leave him, he will start something serious with the another guy and forget about me. I asked him to start over in a new place and make a plan for the future (you know, the house, the dog and the kid) but he wouldn’t compromise for a long distance relationship. He just said that he has hope that one day we can be together again, but not now. Please help me, it hurts me so much to leave him and not be able to hug him again. Just the thought of the last day at the airport before I leave makes me sick 🙁


    Hi Albert,

    I’m so sorry your mom is sick. I hope she makes a full recovery. You are young, 32, with a degree from a prestigious university. When you’re not caring for your mom, do you have a career to throw yourself into, to master a skill, to learn how valuable an employee you are, to make connections with interesting colleagues, and to get your mind off someone who isn’t interested in a relationship with you? The world is full of new discoveries, opportunities, and wonderful people. Don’t put your life on hold for a person who “is seeing someone else but still loves me”. You are in control of your life. You get to decide to move forward and be even happier than you were before. Best wishes to you as you spend precious time with your mom and plan out your next exciting chapter.



    I wish your mother health, she will definitely recover. You are a good child, your mother is definitely proud of you. Regarding long-distance relationships – they make sense when both partners agree to this, and when they know the time of the final relationship at a distance and the date of your meeting. Based on your own words, now it will only prevent you from focusing on caring for your mother and at work, and your partner, knowing about your situation, is not ready to compromise. He seems to be trying to keep you as a fallback. I don’t think you need it.
    Good luck!

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