Dear luong:

I hope you sleep better and soon. Your thoughts do not appear “all jumbled up” though. You make sense to me.

And I agree, better not “selflessly threw yourself into” a relationship because we… can’t do anything selflessly for a long time and be healthy at the same time. Better look for our self interest in a relationship, make it a Win-Win relationship: win for you and win for her. If it is not a Win for you, it will fail.

You wrote: “I was always going to feel like I had the short end of everything regardless of how hard I tried.”-

Having the “short end of everything” means it was not a Win for you, but a Lose. You got some good times but overall, you lost.

You have to take care of yourself, to attend to your needs and see them as being as important as any other’s. This attitude and practice will lead you to a loving, healthy relationship where there is no suffocation, no chasing, no self denial.

anita