Matt, I am sorry, but what safety nets are you seeing?

Or do you mean that I choose these unavailable men exactly because their unavailability IS my safety net? A few articles point this out. That is that women like I are subconsciously boycotting the idea of a happy and loving relationship with a man for some reason and, naturally, choosing unavailable men, with whom they can be in love, busying themselves in this love, suffering, but at the same time knowing that they are safe because these men are unavailable?

This, and the way you break down how you put men you meet into these groups. Now these isnt a good or bad thing, but the way you group the guys you meet is a safety net in itself. You can always tell yourself that he won’t work out because I grouped him into the wrong group before even knowing anything about him. I am not saying this is what you do, but it seems that this has the potential to lead to a subconscious decision. But on the other side of the equation everybody does this at some point in time, so I might just be talking hot air.

I don’t think you need to work on yourself feeling safe and secure (you are there when you are there), and it is interesting that you wrote “unavailable” in your response describing your feeling. What if you just say that you are enjoying life, and living life to the fullest with all of these activities that you are enjoying.

Or do you mean that I should be blocking all “what ifs” if a man with a partner is pursuing me? That I won’t be missing my chance at fairy-tale romance if I don’t open myself up to a possibility of being happy with the man IF the man has a partner, that no matter what as long as he has a partner, he is off limits? And forget about happy endings that started as adultery?

I am interested in this thought. In my situation, what was/is Jay expecting with the relationship he has with my wife? Does it matter that it is opposite from what you are experiencing, Were your exes and my wife being dishonest, pretending that something more is available. Or are they serious about pursuing something new outside of their marriage with the knowledge that it may lead to something else and the end of their marriage. In my wifes case, I don’t think she wants a new husband, I just think she likes the idea of something new, but is this something that she has talked with Jay about. If not is she leading him on in a dishonest way, were your execs doing the same thing? There is no way for me to know the answer to these questions.

So reading everything between number #2 and the most recent guy, there was a lot there. It seems that number 2 had you in all sorts of knots and when the most recent guy same into the scene you were finally able to pull away from the spell of #2. But that turned into more unknowns and what if’s with the most recent guy. And how hard is it to get closure with the most recent guy, he won’t be able to do it unless he were to finally get divorced. Until then it will be up to you to decide but I think you are out of those molds and ready and open to finding something else or new.

I am going to look into The Passion Trap. I still think I need help and….

Matt