Dear Tiny Buddha community,

I’m new to this community and thankful to have this space to share my experience, whilst learning and growing from your experiences.

I’m wondering if anyone has advice on how to process and progress what I’m going through in terms of moving country, home and career – under the backdrop of tackling the hurt from on and off family estrangement?

This has had a huge impact on my personal development. I’ve felt alone due to lack of family foundation, and have yet to find that special someone due to trust issues and worry of being let me down.

My parents and I are estranged from my brother who has his own mental health issues having abused drugs for many years. The main bone of contention for me is that we were latchkey kids. My parents focused on their business and financial security at the consequence of me taking the role as Mother to my brother. When his drug abuse was out of control – they placed the pressure on me to resolve his issues. I did so, but it took its’ toll on my health and I ended up in hospital, which started the on and off estrangement.

Now in my mid 40’s I realise that there is still a real imbalance on how my family view my brother and I. Traditionally boys in my culture are valued more than girls. Regardless of what I do to try and keep the peace – I always fall short of their expectations. Recently my parents came to my Swiss home to stay for Christmas and New Years, which ended up with them storming back to their UK home when they made it clear that they favoured my brother over me because:

• I didn’t need as much support
• I was not married, with kids and
• I was selfish.

Their words hit me hard.

Now I’m re-evaluating my choices because originally my parents and I had agreed that my support would help them since my Father’s health was deteriorating. The initial plan was to move in with them and help care for my Father. However, this recent explosive episode feels like karma throwing me a life jacket to stop me from making a mistake. Upon reflection I feel that I was almost a martyr – sacrificing my life to help them because:

• My brother is estranged and
• I feel guilty because they have no one else.

In order to lighten the load – I’ve take action:

• Commissioned a counsellor to help me process what I’m feeling since my parents left
• Commissioned a love coach to help me find the one. I feel ready for love and have spent too long being shut away
• Engaged with my work network to start the ball rolling for career aspirations
• Opened up to my wider family and close friends about my relationship with my immediate family
• Registered to Tiny Buddha to share my experience and learn and grow from others
• Registered for volunteering to give something back to the community
• Started to exercise and eat healthy
• Watched inspiring movies to set the tone of my new found reality

It’s not been easy. There have been many tears and sometimes I find it hard to get out of bed. How can I ensure that I work towards consistency in fulfilling the above commitments when I feel overwhelmed?

I’m an expat, living alone in a quiet part of Switzerland. My home country is the UK, and whilst I know that I yearn to move back to the familiar – I would appreciate advice on how to manage family expectations with love, care, trust and respect – regardless of how they may or may not react?

On the plus side – I am blessed to have opportunities. I can live and work anywhere I choose.

The challenge I face is how to make peace with my family issues, and consistently fulfil my goals without being overwhelmed by moving country, home, and career.

Thank you for your time and support.