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Feel so guilty about things i done as a kid

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • December 24, 2017 at 9:16 am #183393
    Shaun
    Participant

    When I was about the ages of 10-14 going through puberty i didnt handle it very well. I was ly and like cuddle with my brother (I am a male byw) because I would feel sexual pleasure when private parts touched. I told myself he wouldnt know anything was going on and Ive never felt any attraction towards him im not even gay. So I told myself it wasnt weird, but i feel intense guilt over it everyday. We had to share a room till I was about 16, and we would both lie in one bed and watch movies or because one bed wasnt made untill i was like 14 then we kind of stopped. But one time I had sexual urges to masturbate to porn on my phone while he was in the bed and I thought if i put headphones in and do it under the covers he wont notice or know what i was doing. He is two years younger than me btw so he probably did and now I cant live with myself I know how wrong it was and feel so guilty. Am i a monster please help???

    December 24, 2017 at 9:27 am #183403
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shaun:

    To understand better I ask: how old are you now and how old is your brother; do you live in the same household still and ever since the experience you wrote about?

    Was there ever a mention of or a discussion of the matter between you and your brother and what is the current relationship between the two of you?

    anita

    December 24, 2017 at 10:13 am #183415
    Shaun
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply. Im 18 just now hes 16 we have an okay relationship I would say. Ive had alot of problems with mental illness over the last year and we drifted a bit but recntly ive been going out of my way to spend more time with him and wev planned to have a few beers in my room for christmas so out relationship feels fine. Its just this is always on my mind wev never spoke of it I dont know if that would help me or not. Do you think it could or is it better left unsaid?

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Shaun.
    December 24, 2017 at 10:56 am #183427
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shaun:

    If you do speak to him about it, not when drinking beer or any sort of alcohol. Better be sober for that and better maybe not be alone in a room with him when having such talk, but be in an open space, maybe a bigger living room, maybe outside, maybe in a public place.

    Why do you think it may be a better idea to leave things unsaid?

    I think it is better to tell him that you are sorry for what you did, tell him the specific behaviors you are sorry for, over how long you did those behaviors, that it was wrong of you. Don’t excuse your behaviors when talking to him, telling him you were or are mentally ill and that is why you did these things, or any such thing. Instead be factual, give him the facts: what you did, and that it was wrong of you, that you regret it and feel very sorry that you did.

    Let me know your answer to the above question. And if you do choose to tell him what I suggested, you can practice by typing it here first, get my feedback, and proceed from there.

    anita

    December 24, 2017 at 11:03 am #183431
    Shaun
    Participant

    I think it would be good for me to tell him how i feel im just scared of what he’ll say to be honest but telling how i feel would be the right thing to do. Thankyou for replying.

    December 26, 2017 at 4:24 am #183645
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi Shaun,

    Perhaps you may want to take a look at a similar post on another thread of this website.

    https://tinybuddha.com/topic/feeling-guilty-over-sexual-experimentation-with-younger-brother/#post-183641

    You can read others opinion too.

    I have posted my response in post#183641

     

    Warm Regards,

    VJ

     

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