My ldr ex and I broke up last December. It was horrible. He invited me to take a trip with him to London and a simple argument about my behavior turned into a breakup because he forced answers out of me to solve the problem. It came to a point when he yelled at me in public, pushed me to bed, and asked me to pay half of the expenses of our trip to London. He then kept on provoking me to just rebook my flight.

I came to a point when I could not argue with or answer him anymore thinking no matter what I did, I didn’t deserve a punishment as bad as this so I rebooked my flight. When I got home, we got in touch and he offered me help if I ever need any money in the future (Did he feel guilty about what he did?)

Then when things started to cool off, I felt my love for him came back and I was willing to forgive him and talk it out although I knew it was not the best choice. Trust me. But I love him so much and maybe if we had just both cooled off – it would not have been like this. But then he told me the breakup is final and that I was the one who gave up when I rebooked my flight. I proved to him that when things get rough, I will run away but I did that because he was provoking and at that moment, I felt like that was what he wanted me to do.

During the course of the relationship, the term ’emotional abuse’ kept lurking around. Was I in an emotionally abusive relationship? He never said sorry for his part in the breakup. I ended up saying sorry most of the times. Also, I felt like all the blame was on me when he said my loss was my fault, his loss was not his fault.

I have had several realizations but everytime I miss him, they just go away. Was he trying to manipulate the way I see things? When I sent him a message last week, how is he doing, he asked me why I’m still talking to him. He said that the only time I will see him again is if I knock on his door without his support. He hurt my self-esteem very badly. Am I stupid in wanting this guy back?