Hi Ann – Marie,

I certainly relate a lot to what you have written.  My upbringing was in an abusive home.  I have had some relationships that also were abusive and I am very awkward socially sometimes, but not always.  Yet it is sometimes enough for me to shy away from trying new things.

In the process of change, I have become more of the person I believe I am but don’t think I fully understand myself yet. Honestly, life scares the crap out of me. Im not great with people I get really nervous in new situations and if I get called upon to speak out I completely freak out even with all of the stuff I’m practising, I don’t get it !!! I hate crowded places, going shopping, being around people too long.

I also shy from crowds, shopping, and experiences where I will have sensory overload.  I imagine many with PTSD feel similarly.

So idk what will work for you but I had a therapist (2yrs ago or so) suggest we simply talk about what feared me.  Then he talked about what I may want to do socially.  I wanted to join a book club.  So he asked if I felt ok just visiting the location of it, but not joining or anything, just visit.  So his point was, baby steps of what was within my comfort zone.  Well, I thought his approach was good but I ended up not signing up for a book club, but have found my own way to be more social.

So I signed up for online dating but with the specific intention of “making friends only.”  So I literally was very clear with anyone who I chatted with that I am not interested in more, just really am shy and am trying to simply practice pre dating skills of hanging out and enjoying myself.  I met and hung out with a few people, had fun.

idk why but I found this method preferable to me than the group meetups.  I was intimidated by meeting up with a group.  I found talking one on one easier.  It certainly gave me a whole lot of practice in my social skills and helped me learn what is ok for me and not.  Idk though, many folks may find this risky or not appealing to them.

I’m curious to hear other ideas as I am now wanting to make female friends but the online dating friend making method seems not ok for this, lol!