Dear Romeo,
It has been a whole process. This relationship for me was a big challenge and reflection of many things I wanted to change about myself. it served perfectly to see myself in him and acknowledge parts of me that needed healing and changing. So, I guess I dealt with this “NO” feeling by looking at myself. We have been super happy for the past few months, I guess I let myself go and felt I had sorted out many mental and emotional issues I had (independent of him) and had finally got to a point when we were just enjoying life. However, I cant spend my whole life healing and blaming my parents and past patterns for not “being happy” with a person that loves me and is quite amazing but there is something that just doesn’t click. After all this I still have that gut feeling. And always, I tried to quiet it and fix something about myself, become more accepting, more tolerant, etc, and though it has taught me amazing lessons it gets to a point that it is still there.

Now that I feel that we have passed through a “strainer”, I there is also a specific thing about him, a habit that has not changed with time…. and that does not agree with the lifestyle I want to have. So maybe this is my big NO boiled down to something specific, and because I have hurt him because of this as well, we are in the middle of giving in or making a decision. Very difficult and confusing, I guess the only way out is surrendering.