I resonate very strongly with this story and your emotions. I know this is hard to hear and if you are anything like me you won’t take this advice but my advice is to leave. He is NOT ready. He said he wasn’t and deep down if you let your inner voice lead you know this. I waited for over a year for a man I loved deeply and was on and off lovers with to commit to me. Over and over again he left me heartbroken and alone in the name of “not being ready for a relationship.” When he finally committed to me it was with trepidation and this pattern continued throughout the 2 years of us dating. I was always ready for more and although he matured a lot during our time together he never got to the place of understanding and being able to be in a healthy serious relationship. He always had to have an out of some sort and it left me feeling alone and crazy for always “wanting too much.” Sometimes someone needs to grow without you. If you start off a relationship on such different pages its just going to get more difficult. Also, don’t put yourself aside for someone who won’t do the same for you. You shouldn’t have to sit back and wait on pins and needles thinking that if you tell this man you miss him it will scare him away. I remember that feeling so acutely, anxiously wondering if my meager expression of care and emotion had “ruined things.” If things are that fragile already they aren’t worth it. I know this is difficult advice to hear but I wish I had taken it years ago when my friends tried to offer it to me. Its hard to extricate yourself when you’ve formed such an amazing emotional and spiritual connection but you have to take care of yourself. You already sound anxious and as though you’re watching everything you say and do for him and potentially compromising what you want in a partnership to accommodate him.