Dear Romeo:

In your original post you asked: “Do you guys have any more explanation on…I come from a loving family so I really do not know how my parents are related to this brain pattern of mine? Could use some help in identifying that” The pattern you referred to is falling “In Love with People who just broke up” (title of your thread), that is having gotten into relationships with two women who just ended their relationships and were in pain.

I will try to do just that for you based on the two other posts you made on this thread:

When you were a child, your mother “was really broken… in pain… I saw her crying and constant breakdowns…”- the little boy that you were wanted to rescue her, wanted to take away her pain. This may very well be the origin of the pattern you mentioned: you see a young woman in pain and you want to take her pain away.

Back to your mother, you wrote: “Sometimes she gets angry easily because she’s very tired and still needs to take care of us… (I) feel like I really owe them a lot and someday I know I can repay them”-

I agree that “this contributed to (your) people’s pleaser behavior”, the motivation is to pay, and pay a lot, for any attention or care that you do receive.

It is a very deep and intense experience for a child to watch a parent struggle, in pain. The child feels in danger, because if his mother collapses and is unable to function, the child will be uncared for (in nature that would mean likely death).

Automatically the child wants to take the pain away. Your understandable failure to take away your mother’s pain (impossible for the child that you were) caused you to feel lacking, and not in control of your situation.

With the two women in your past, you tried to be in control, to take away their pain and feel in control.

What you think?

anita