Dear suzy:

I see three problems:

1. I would call this one mental-multi-tasking, as in “I’m trying to see all perspectives and a solution to the challenge. or a new way to see it”- I don’t have an example of what you mean by it, but it may very well that this is not working for you, as in seeing the trees but not the forest. In seeing too many options (trees) you lose clarity and when you communicate all those trees to others, you lose them, they are lost too. Tackle perhaps one or two options at a time, pause, walk back and see the whole picture, then proceed.

2. Perfection- your quest to perform perfectly harms your performance and fuels your anxiety, increasing your distress so much that any job is likely to be distressing. Not only do you expect yourself to be perfect, reads to me that you expect others and situations to be perfect. The inequity of the educational budget in your previous workplace was such an imperfection, as well as peers not caring enough about that inequity. Of course, every workplace will be imperfect, often far from perfect. It is a reality we live in, a world where mismanagement and waste and dysfunction is the rule, not the exception.

3. Aggression- we all fear aggression by others and so do you. As a teacher in a private school where maybe the parents are more involved and demanding for a return for their money, tuition, that is, they are more likely to complain. Dealing with those complaints requires a strategy on your part, a combination of being professional and assertive.

You feel that as a teacher you have to be calm at all times. Of course, being or even appearing perfectly calm is impossible. It is impossible to talk in the same even tone of voice, same volume all the time. You just have to keep limits to your voice, not above a certain volume and not below a certain volume. And then, allow some expression of your anger, but not other expressions. If you stand by a mirror, you can practice and observe your face, see expressions of anger, of affection, see what is acceptable in the context of teaching and what is not.

anita