Dear Cat:

Your mother has her moments of joy, maybe one of them was buying the convertible you mentioned. Many moments of joy when she considered how having a convertible appears to others (you mentioned how important appearances are, for her). Your father has his moments of joy and so does your sister, lots of moments with her dog, whom she loves so much. And you have your moments, moments which sometimes you make last and last, like that Thursday gig.

This is what we all have, moments of joy spread out. No one is joyful all the time. This is reality, I am not making it up. I am observing and reporting it.

Enjoy your moments, wish others you care about enjoy theirs. And then, do all you can to heal from what ails you. This is what I do. I can’t heal others, I can’t even heal myself. I can only avail myself to healing as healing is a power of nature, available to all living things. We have to get out of the way of this natural power.

One of the ways we stand in the way of healing is to… wait until everyone else is always-joyful, or at least, always at peace, never in pain- not going to happen. Another way we stand in the way of healing is not believing reality is real, denying it, minimizing it. Specifically to you, your parents mistreated you, significantly abused you and you suffer as a result. Then you deny this reality when you think that maybe it is the child that you were that was wrong and faulty.

Reality will not accommodate our denial of it. Reality is too busy being real.

anita