Hi Anita,

I like your analogy of being of anxiety being like on a theme park ride – and interestingly, I am one who avoids the theme park rides as I do not like the feeling of being out of control. And like you described, how scary the rides look and I do not trust that I would make it back safely actually. So I guess that probably shows that I try to avoid anxiety provoking situation.. and being on this trip is like taking on this big rollercoaster in the theme park..

Something new.. something scary.. something totally out of my comfort zone.. something that threatens my sense of safety.

And I thought about the aspect of safety here versus home. I think it is not so much my father that gives me that sense of safety at home. but it is the familiarity, it is like taking a carousel ride at the theme park. It is safe, it goes in circles, I know what is coming, I enjoy the ride with the music.. I do not need to worry about anything. Even if things goes wrong, I know where I am, I know who can help me and I am familiar. There is no danger to speak of and there is no anxiety.

Where I am, I feel less safe as it is a foreign land. Plus I read accounts of people in danger here (haha, i thought it would be better to read accounts of worst things that happen and prepare myself for it.. but that may possibly have given me more anxiety). It is far away from my home and definitely feel less safe. My home is very safe, we can walk around at night with no fear, there are no pickpockets. I feel there are more things that needs me to be on the lookout for.

I feel as though I am on the big rollercoaster, with my feet not touching the ground and that is why I am anxious.

Yes, I think it does help to think it will not kill me and to know I have some ways of keeping myself safe too.. does help to lessen the anxiety. what i tried is to colour mandalas also.. it takes my mind off things and i focus on the colouring and not the worry.

I also really like “the surrendering while keeping the faith: surrendering to the here-and-now in slow motion (the security belt) while keeping our faith in our safety (“this feeling will not kill me”).” I shall remind myself of this too. Surrender while keeping faith.

I wanted to challenge myself and come on this trip. .cos while the carousel felt safe.. it was beginning to feel too routine.. and I thought I needed to grow. And thus, I thought this trip would help me grow as a person and to be an individual to take care of myself. And I think the anxiety is necessary to grow and it is about growing with the anxiety. If I run back to safety, then there will be limited growth.

Not-so-lost-star