Hi Unicornmeadows,

What happened in your relationship doesn’t make sense, and I understand how confused, disappointed and hurt you are. I would be too, definitely. Relationships are risky though. All of them are — friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, etc. You never know at what point feelings will change in each relationship. In the past I have ended romantic relationships with others because my feelings changed (have you ever?), and this didn’t always make sense to the person I ended the relationship with. What I remember more clearly, though, are those times when others have ended relationships with me, which was brutal for me. I would get some lame excuse like “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now”, “I’m too busy for a relationship, blah, blah, blah”, etc. I would then beat myself up, ask myself “What did I do wrong??” Maybe I did do something wrong, or maybe I didn’t. I don’t know. But someone else’s romantic feelings toward me changed, and I had to accept it, although, trust me, I did whatever I could to try to figure it out logically. Sometimes it’s just not logical, though. It may have nothing to do with either person’s behavior in the relationship, e.g., if there was arguing going on in the relationship, etc. It may just be a feeling a person gets one day that tells him or her that the relationship isn’t what they want, even though the day before they thought it was what they wanted. And it may have nothing at all to do with you; it may have to do with the way he was raised, or his past experiences in relationships, or maybe he met someone who he feels is a better partner for him — this has happened to me btw, and yes, it’s awful. Some people choose not to enter relationships at all because they don’t want to experience hurt like this, because face it, most romantic relationships don’t work out in the long run, and someone often gets hurt. In spite of how difficult this is for you, I’m glad it happened 10 months in, instead of 10 years. Don’t remain friends with him — not because he’s a bad guy or anything but because it will be more difficult for you to get over him.  Take care of yourself, exercise, eat right, do things you love doing. Get out of your head. Get up, dust yourself off, and get back out there. You’ll get through this. You’ll be ok.

B