My observation has been that people use the word forgiveness without really understanding what they mean by it.   (Often, we use words forgetting that they are place holders for an idea or process and not the thing itself – we mistake the map for the territory. )

I have done a fair amount of study on the idea of forgiveness which is a process and turns out more often then not has very little to do with the person that hurt us. Forgiveness is a process of letting go of our grasping on to pain of the experience and not a process of forgetting (though there is an aspect of forgetting as in making the choice to not to dwell).

Forgiveness also does not remove accountability, responsibility – break the law of karma/action – as in cause and effect.  If you steal from me I can forgive, let go of the pain, let go of vengeance, free myself from dwelling, wish you well… however you’re still going to jail. Not out of anger or hate but Love. If our actions had no consequence there would be no meaning, purpose or Love.

A result of authentically working through the process of forgiveness allows a person to detach the emotions from the memory (detachment is not interference or stoicism). When remembering a hurtful experience (re–membering is a act of recreating) we may re-memeber sadness however we do not become sad. I feel sad vice I am sad. In this way or fixation on the memory fads. We learn what we can learn from the experience and move on with our lives as those that hurt us move on with theirs.

What does forgiveness mean to you?

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Peter.