Dear Alicia:

You wrote that you are “not really exceptional at anything”-

you don’t have to be exceptional. At anything. Except at being you. I understand you don’t necessarily know what it means to be you (you used to, when you were a very young child), but you have a sense of it, deep inside, of what it means to be you. Need to unearth it.

To be you, beyond what looks like, to you, at least, as a nose that is too big and a chin that is too small or a body that is weird.

When you look in the mirror, you already have that belief that your nose is too big, so you look at your reflection and you focus on that nose, and it looks bigger than it is. Look at your reflection and try to shift your focus to your whole face and see it in the background of what is around your face. Look at your face not thinking about your nose. This may give you a more realistic view of your nose in the context of your face. And the background. This is what other people see because unless they heard of your concern, they don’t focus on your nose. They see the whole face, in the background. Their focus is elsewhere.

When you walk by people, most do not see you. Most likely no one is thinking that you have a weird body. Again, they do not focus on your body proportions if at all they notice you. Their focus is elsewhere. Some of them focus on how they may look to you, what you think of their looks.

While you are focusing on your looks.

Will you share more about your relationship with your parents, past and present, what may be relevant to your anxiety?

anita