Dear JonathanSeagull:

You make a lot of sense to me: not sensible at all to ignore such a major thing, you not wanting to be a step parent, and if you indeed “continue down this current path, (you) would only end up hurting both of them more”- excellent thinking, says I.

I wonder if it will take more than one conversation with her. Giving her time to adjust to your new input following the first conversation and before a second, may be a good idea.

anita