Jonathan seagull,

Your reply helped me in more ways then I can say. First of all I feel like someone really heard me and I needed that. I was in a panic state yesterday when I was writing this. A couple hours after I wrote this I had an idea. I’ve been looking for a room everyday, sending emails and picturing my “home” in my mind. I haven’t heard any replies from the area I had lived before. I said to myself,” why not look for a place around my college?”. I thought to myself it may not be a bad idea. I could get a job here and be close to the guy I’ve been seeing. I made sure that this decision wasn’t just about him because it needed to be for me. I went forward and emailed whatever looked like a possibility just like I had for the other town. I got at least 4 emails. I am seeing two places on Wednesday! I am beyond thrilled. I feel like the universe might be telling me I am suppose to stay here.

I really loved when you said, “I’d cash in your chips, as hard as it’s going to be, and learn everything positive and negative that you can, and glean as much insight as you can from the experience.” Yesterday I was acting out of fear. It’s always a roller coaster with the living out of fear and living out of love. I want to live out of love and see this relationship for what it is. He has taught me a lot about myself and for that I’m so happy. It’s scary loosing someone you care for. I’ve lost many people which has caused me to act in such a fearful way. Probably a lot of it comes from the abandonment from my mom. I’m glad I’m becoming aware of this. I realize in life you can love many times and that can actually be a beautiful thing. People come in your life in that time for a reason. I truly believe. I must not force anyone to stay, someone else may need to come in.

My new Bestie is amazing. Yesterday she reached out to me knowing I was feeling really stressed and we hangout last night. She helped me realigned myself. As I’m writing this I’m filled with overflowing gratitude. For one, I had no friends and she came in my life at the perfect time. I realize the Universe has always had my back even when times were extremely challenging. Its important that in this period of time I trust. I trust in the Universe and I trust in myself. Sometimes knowing that you have to count on yourself all the time can be scary.  My inner child screams for a parent to “save me”. I finally completely realize what it means to take responsibility of yourself. In a sense this means take care of yourself. Trust yourself. That’s a huge one.

Thank you much love,

Christine