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Christine

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #233349

    Christine
    Participant

    Ella,

    Reading your post I felt pure empathy for you. I myself have been in a similar but different situation. I too was a heroin addict. Addiction is not fun nor pretty. It’s a never ending black hole. When I was 18 I lost my boyfriend to suicide and was blamed for his death. It was terrible. The most painful time of my life. Losing a lover is such a deep unexplainable pain. I like to think that my boyfriend at the time came into my life for a reason. I truly believe that we were suppose to meet. I learned a lot from him. Life is truly a gift. People come and go throughout our lives. This can be a hard pill to swallow. I have a deep fear that stems from my mother abandoning me as a child. I hope you work through the grief you are feeling. You are never alone. I’m so sorry that you are in pain and I wish you nothing put peace and contentment ahead. Be brave. Be strong.

    Much love,

    Christine

    #200661

    Christine
    Participant

    Jaclyn and Peter,

    Thanks for posting! I really appreciate your feedback. It’s nice to not feel alone. It’s been a week since I’ve post this. My anxiety has calmed down. I realized I have to live in the moment and just do the best I can.

    Christine

    #199435

    Christine
    Participant

    That’s wonderful! I to am new to meditation. I just began in January after I quit my job. From there on my life changed forever. I don’t know how I lived life before. I meditate a lot. Sometimes I even have non guided meditation music on while doing homework and such. It’s become such an important aspect in my life that I am so grateful. Youtube is wonderful. They have so many meditations for free. I love going on there and finding exactly what I need in that moment. I also love hay house radio and listening to speakers on youtube. It really allows me to grow spiritually.

    #199433

    Christine
    Participant

    Rainbow,

    I to relate! grateful that you posted this. I love to read things that I can relate to and this for sure I can. I have been working on self-love in my life. I have actually been reading a book called loveability by Robert Holden. I highly recommend it. I brought the book on amazon for only about 2 dollars (used)! It has been a great read and has taught me a lot about self-love. The society we live in never taught us about loving ourselves. Since I was a little, I constantly looked for love elsewhere. It has been a rough journey for me to expect myself for who I am. I am thankful that I am now aware of self-love and it’s importance. My goal is to love myself so much that fear won’t interfere.

    I really like that you talk to those thoughts. I am going to try this out when the judgements come in. This is a great way to not allow those thoughts the power. I don’t want to judge. I just want to live out of love. The only problem is life is a roller coaster and I admit the fear creeps up and I can get caught up in it’s trance.

    much love,

    Christine

     

    #198945

    Christine
    Participant

    Jonathan seagull,

    Your reply helped me in more ways then I can say. First of all I feel like someone really heard me and I needed that. I was in a panic state yesterday when I was writing this. A couple hours after I wrote this I had an idea. I’ve been looking for a room everyday, sending emails and picturing my “home” in my mind. I haven’t heard any replies from the area I had lived before. I said to myself,” why not look for a place around my college?”. I thought to myself it may not be a bad idea. I could get a job here and be close to the guy I’ve been seeing. I made sure that this decision wasn’t just about him because it needed to be for me. I went forward and emailed whatever looked like a possibility just like I had for the other town. I got at least 4 emails. I am seeing two places on Wednesday! I am beyond thrilled. I feel like the universe might be telling me I am suppose to stay here.

    I really loved when you said, “I’d cash in your chips, as hard as it’s going to be, and learn everything positive and negative that you can, and glean as much insight as you can from the experience.” Yesterday I was acting out of fear. It’s always a roller coaster with the living out of fear and living out of love. I want to live out of love and see this relationship for what it is. He has taught me a lot about myself and for that I’m so happy. It’s scary loosing someone you care for. I’ve lost many people which has caused me to act in such a fearful way. Probably a lot of it comes from the abandonment from my mom. I’m glad I’m becoming aware of this. I realize in life you can love many times and that can actually be a beautiful thing. People come in your life in that time for a reason. I truly believe. I must not force anyone to stay, someone else may need to come in.

    My new Bestie is amazing. Yesterday she reached out to me knowing I was feeling really stressed and we hangout last night. She helped me realigned myself. As I’m writing this I’m filled with overflowing gratitude. For one, I had no friends and she came in my life at the perfect time. I realize the Universe has always had my back even when times were extremely challenging. Its important that in this period of time I trust. I trust in the Universe and I trust in myself. Sometimes knowing that you have to count on yourself all the time can be scary. ┬áMy inner child screams for a parent to “save me”. I finally completely realize what it means to take responsibility of yourself. In a sense this means take care of yourself. Trust yourself. That’s a huge one.

    Thank you much love,

    Christine

    #192421

    Christine
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica,

    I want to first thank you for your post. I feel empathy for you because I understand this feeling all to well. I wasn’t so much aware of it until reading your post. I want to thank you because being aware of something is the first step in healing. I to have self-trust issues. I am currently a college student at a university. I live on campus which is very different for me. I was working daily at a tough job and going to community school prior. I also went through a phase in my life where I was renting a room from strangers I had found online because I simply did not have another option for a home situation since my dad sold our house and moved on with his girlfriend. They live in a smaller condo that did not have room for me. Anyways, I have found that I have had serious self-trust issues arise during my time here at school. I do not have a lot of distractions anymore to hid this. I am currently not working just focusing on school. This is very different for me considering I had a much busier life style last year and prior. I even left my car at my dad’s because I didn’t want to deal with it at school. Having a car gives you a sense of freedom that I do miss sometimes. Sorry I’m rambling a bit.

    College always has felt like something I have to do. Don’t get me wrong I do want to have a degree and do something meaningful with a career. I just don’t trust myself with being able to support myself. I have this underlying fear that I will never be able to succeed in a career or have meaningful relationships. It’s a constant struggle to trust in myself that I will be okay and I can have the life I desire. I am also struggling with relationships because I am such a deep person and it is hard for me to connect with other college students here. I apologize I rambled a lot. I’m not even sure if this all made sense lol. But, thank you for your post. I have some exploring to do with self-trust and I am going to start with sending more love within myself.

    Christine

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Christine.
    #184787

    Christine
    Participant

    Peter and Kaelina,

    Thank you for sharing that. I needed to read that tonight. I came across this forum tonight unexpectedly. I’m glad I did. Its nice to know that I’m not alone with feelings of purpose. I’ve been a bit hard on myself. I’ve been thinking so hard about what my purpose is. The truth is clear. I am already my purpose. This life is always tricking us to do more and more. We never do enough. Its exhausting. I am grateful to be aware now of my thoughts with my purpose.

Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)