LifeUnravelled,

I have heard from the wisdom of therapists and learned from my own life that jumping into another relationship after a long term one (for me it was a 20+ year marriage) does not work.  You/I needed to learn to be able to stand on my own two emotional/relational feet without having someone else in my life, i.e. live on my own without dating.

Plus another thing I learned for myself is to never live with someone until I get married.  I see living together w/o marriage is a half relationship.  It does make a difference when two people are married living together versus two people who are not married.

What is most telling about what you shared is that the time together for you and your man is the silence.

I assume that you are no longer living together.  I wonder what your therapist is saying?  I assume that s/he is telling you the reasons why you cannot walk away, whether it is fear/insecurity/loneliness…  In some ways it does not matter since you still are not able to sever the relationship.

It is not only being able to tell your daughters what to do (how old are they?) but also SHOWING them what to do.  We teach our children by example not so much by what we tell them.  They see you staying in a relationship what is not healthy.  They will probably choose men like their dad or your current partner because of what you have done.  If that does not motivate you then I don’t know what will.

The additional way of addressing this stuckness is to work with your therapist on the “why” you cannot.  We can all speculate here online but you have this in person relationship with a skilled professional who knows you.  S/he can best help you on this.

Mark