Forum Replies Created
February 20, 2019 at 6:53 pm #281105
I am still confused. What is keeping you to go somewhere else to find some job more suited for you? Or even going back to the job that you had before?
MarkFebruary 20, 2019 at 6:42 pm #281095
laelithia, You said …
I feel horrible that when I am with my current partner, I often imagine how much enjoyable whatever activity we are doing would have been if I was with my ex instead. I don’t know how to rid myself of these horrible thoughts that haunt me. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this?
…in my current relationship, I believe it is a shadow of what I could have had with my ex. Every day I think about how my current life could have been so much better with him in it, with us together.
It seems like you are doing your current partner a disservice by staying with him. You are not being fully present with him. You are not really IN the relationship with him, rather you are really still “with” your ex.
My suggestion is to heal yourself around your ex first before being in another relationship.
MarkFebruary 20, 2019 at 6:37 pm #281091
When you say you cannot connect with therapists, does that mean you have tried therapy?
Like any profession, there is a wide range of the type, the competency as well as just having a good fit/match of therapists that would benefit you.
Did you have a male role model/mentor growing up?
MarkFebruary 20, 2019 at 12:31 pm #281049
A good therapist will help you deal with the sub/unconscious issues of not having a father growing up to give you a male role model. I take it you did not have a male role model/mentor while growing up? Uncle, teacher, etc.? So without one, you became very self-sufficient and not trusting of others and even yourself. You are in a quandary in finding your life’s direction until now.
You are looking for a perspective in your decision not “answers.”
What is your career path you are choosing? What made you decide on that one?
MarkFebruary 20, 2019 at 12:22 pm #281047
I would check in on him. I would think calling is better than texting because it seems more personal but I’m old fashioned that way.
Card is good.
MarkFebruary 20, 2019 at 11:57 am #281043
It seems in order to have any close relationship we all must know how and what we feel. I recommend you start from there. How old are you?
Are you able to have close friends? Are you working in a job that requires you to be in tune how clients/customers/co-workers feel?
Have you ever had a long term, healthy romantic relationship or close friendship?
MarkFebruary 19, 2019 at 3:37 pm #280953
So you left a good job in the city to a place where the employment options are very limited to be with your boyfriend.
Now he is leaving to another place for a new job.
This means if you want to stay together, you feel that you have to uproot yourself again to follow him to his new job somewhere else where there is no real opportunity for you?
Did I understand your situation?February 19, 2019 at 11:35 am #280891
It is time you address this issue of low self confidence/self respect/self esteem.
How are you trying to fix it? It takes more than not reacting. This is an inside-out job where you really need to go inside to deal with this low self regard. Your panic attacks are not physically healthy either.
If/when anita weighs in, she will discern your family-of-origin reasons why you don’t have much regard for yourself. We can determine what it is but you really need to do the work to heal that part of you that is interfering with your life.
MarkFebruary 19, 2019 at 10:20 am #280841
Why can’t you two get a divorce?
This way you split your assets, sell the house and each of you can live in your own place that can accommodate your children.
MarkFebruary 18, 2019 at 10:58 pm #280711
How old are you? How long have you been in this relationship? Have you been insecure in other relationships?
The way you present this, it sounds this is solely your personal issue that needs to be addressed. Look into therapy for yourself.
MarkFebruary 17, 2019 at 11:34 am #280543
Us humans are contradictory, confusing, and really a lot of times, messed up. Women are biochemically are tied to their sex partners. That is why men more easily to go from one partner to another for we have different biology.
Life gives us hard lessons sometimes. You have added this experience to your wisdom library.
Now you can learn how to heal, take care of yourself, and move on. I find such setbacks and painful experiences are really opportunities to grow in wisdom and strength. Hard to hear when you are in the midst of the pain but it’s true.
MarkFebruary 15, 2019 at 10:55 pm #280425
I find in order to stay friends if you are in an entangled/co-dependent relationship is just to break it off completely with no contact for at least 6 months. Once you are both emotionally back on your feet and able to create a life outside your ex then you can consider being friends. But for the life of me, I don’t know what that means.
Does it mean you talk with each other and share the same way you did when you were together? As frequently? As deeply? Does it mean you two hang out together? It’ll be good to know what “being friends” means for I bet it isn’t like the way you are with your current friends.
MarkFebruary 11, 2019 at 4:36 pm #279809
The cat is out of the bag. If you don’t want your personal (sex) life to be known then it seems like the only thing is that you ask your friend to keep it private.
MarkFebruary 11, 2019 at 4:04 pm #279805
All you need to know is that this guy is dumping you.
I hope you are not insecure because of this guy being a philandering dickwad. Time to move on. He has not grown up in the 12 years you have been with him. Hopefully you have. Time to grow up and be with those who share the same values and live a lifestyle that is in alignment with yours.
MarkFebruary 11, 2019 at 2:38 pm #279799
Whenever a man tells you something about him then believe him. When he has said that becoming close to you is “too much” then believe him. His Aspergers, depression, and anxiety will not go magically away. His trauma will not be ameliorated quickly.
All those things would make an intimate, close, romantic relationship highly challenging.
You’ve only seen a 3 month window of what he is like, i.e. kind, intelligent and gentle. I don’t that he is that AND he is also these other qualities that would make it really hard to have him as a boyfriend.
You decide what you want to put yourself through considering who he is.