Forum Replies Created
April 22, 2019 at 1:32 pm #290169
To put it bluntly, both of you are being victims.
You beating yourself up about past mistakes but not changing anything. She manipulating you to keep the status quo.
It sounds that you two are well matched in that way.
The children are collateral damage.
There are always options even if they are not pleasant ones.
MarkApril 20, 2019 at 2:13 pm #289999
Be prepared for the possibility that your relationship has run its course.
You’re growing and he is not.
MarkApril 20, 2019 at 12:50 pm #289993
Congratulations for taking that self caring action.April 20, 2019 at 11:57 am #289981
What are you doing with your life now you don’t have? School? Other activities? Reading? That’s a start of a conversation. When you limit your shared life by not really sharing an in person life then it’s more of a challenge to stay connected especially when you don’t share the same interests anymore.
MarkApril 20, 2019 at 11:33 am #289973
Ultimately you want to be accepted. Hell, you want to be valued. Don’t we all?
Your view of being valued is to be an Instagram model solely based on your looks.
You can rail against how society judges women but at the end of the day, that’s reality. There is a Byron Katie quote, If you argue against reality, you will lose.
You may want to reexam how you want to be valued for otherwise you will be stuck in your unhappiness and anger.
MarkApril 20, 2019 at 9:29 am #289931
It seems like a good idea for you to go volunteer to help those with MS or any other disability.
Start with that. Let go your angst about that guy and learn more about yourself and dealing with disabilities.
You can always get back to him but you need this first.
MarkApril 20, 2019 at 9:17 am #289927
I can empathize with you about this burden of got. I would think that after a while you can come to realize that the the past is the past. You cannot change it. Aren’t you tired of beating yourself up? Don’t you want to move on? There are meditations of self forgiveness. Start with that as a practice. Get out of yourself and go help others. Turn this guilt into something positive in helping the world.
MarkApril 20, 2019 at 7:03 am #289909
I don’t see any compelling reason to move in together. It seems from all what you are saying is that it is your boyfriend who wants this, not you.
MarkApril 19, 2019 at 4:18 pm #289863
So this relationship of 4 months has been one of phone calls and/or texts and/or Facetime/Skype? You have never met him at all and this visit in a week will be the first time you have actually see each other face-to-face?
When you said you two have not been affectionate lately, what does that affection look like? Is in the form of words that convey fondness, warmth, tenderness and care?
My take all these feelings of something being missing may all go away when you actually see him. Be patient and see what happens.
MarkApril 19, 2019 at 4:06 pm #289853
Did you see my post?
MarkApril 19, 2019 at 4:03 pm #289851
I am trying to understand your post.
Is this right…? You are living in IL now and he still lives in NC
I have not read any compelling reasons on why you should move in with him.
Your bf has said he wants to have a stronger relationship before moving in. What does he mean by that? Do you agree?
Do you plan to move back to NC? If so, when?
MarkApril 19, 2019 at 8:14 am #289749
Google Second Date Update and see if you can get an explanation from her.April 18, 2019 at 7:49 pm #289671
Have you done anything about anita’s suggestion in looking into CBT?
It seems that you are obsessing about this guy and worrying about how and when he will respond to you.
It does not seem healthy for having your world revolve around him and how he responds to you.
CBT helps you become aware of inaccurate or negative thinking so you can view challenging situations more clearly and respond to them in a more effective way. The goal of cognitive behavior therapy is to teach patients that while they cannot control every aspect of the world around them, they can take control of how they interpret and deal with things in their environment.
April 18, 2019 at 7:13 pm #289669
- This reply was modified 3 days, 20 hours ago by Mark.
Are you talking about an article/blog on this site or somewhere on the web?
Can you give more of a context of this article?
MarkApril 17, 2019 at 3:39 pm #289491
1. Divorced 1.5 yrs
2 In the past, you are not able to share your emotions
3. Have depression for most of your adult life – now undergoing treatment and sobeer
4. Currently seeing a therapist, living in the present moment & staying healthy
Question: How to stay open to reconcilliation without letting it take over your life?
I don’t understand your question. What do you mean by “staying open?” What do you mean “take over your life” ?
Do you want to get back together with your ex-wife? She has no interest in doing that since she is dating and want her boyfriend to meet her children.
Let her go. Focus on your own personal care and health. Focus on being the best father you can be. It sounds like your children have been through a lot of rough years.