I would first like to apologise for the fact that this reply does not offer any advice, rather lets me connect with someone who has been through something extremely similar to what I am going through now. I would like to know how you managed to overcome the feeling because at this point it just seems insurmountable. Earlier this month I ended my relationship with this university senior who graduated. The operative word would however be “we ended” and I know for a fact, taking into account practicalities, that it was the right thing to do. I am in the initial phase of a doctoral program and would need four years for completion. We are also from different cities and have completely different career trajectories. Given all that, it was the most practical decision to take and I know that for a fact. In fact I had started preparing myself for this moment quite some time back, but now that I am living this phase, I’m finding myself missing him a bit too much. I have come to terms with the fact that I would probably never see him again, but the idea that what we had would be lost, after how we got together, upsets me. I write “how we got together” because it was a series of coincidences, which is a story probably for a later time.

He is not the first person I have been with, but with him it was just right. With him, I could have the kind of conversation I had wanted to have with previous boyfriends, but who were not into such issues. The conversation flowed beautifully, be it something frivolous or serious. I used to be extremely conscious of not bothering the person I am sleeping next to , with my previous boyfriends, but with him, I was too comfortable. I felt at peace and sheltered in his arms, something which I have not experienced before.

While the semester was drawing to a close, he confessed that he wished we had gotten together earlier so that we could have more time and I agreed that I would have liked that too.

Since he left after graduation, we had been minimizing texts and have, for some time now, been in absolutely no contact. I know this is fro the best because it’s not healthy to hold on to a ghost forever. I am also interacting with newer people outside my work, which is quite demanding since my thesis work has started. But with some horror I have realized, I try to create what I used to have with him, with some new acquaintances and then realize what I am looking for is him. I believe it is harder for me because I am stuck in my old place in the campus with several years ahead of me before there is a change of scenery while he has moved from one phase to another and is looking at a new beginning with his job and life in a different city. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have been this upset had I been the one making this transition earlier and the feeling of being “left behind” is one factor that’s probably making things gloomier. Moreover he is way more social than I am, and it’s literally draining for me to socialize in large groups.

This post got longer than I had expected , but just wanted to know how you coped. also any advice on how to stop missing him.

Thanks