Airene: yes that was his way of breaking up with me was through a text. I had msgd him because he was acting cold and I asked is everything ok.. that was when he replied by text I think we should just be friends.

I dont miss him anymore. I think I am frustrated that he would do this to me… when I first met him my instincts said stay away… but I didnt listen. I swear I would have been so fine if he had told me anything even if he met someone else. Its the disrespect part like I matter so little in this world. I have trouble listening to my instincts, its as though I dont trust myself.

Eliana: thank you, yes I do have parental issues that are very deep. I know this I am trying to work on them. You are right much of it stems from that. My father was also away on business when I was a child and my mother as well was an alcoholic. She was not as abusive as yours it seems but she would sit me in front of the TV and then ignore me the rest of the time. As a child I was highly intelligent and it was really damaging for me as I needed to “feed my brain”, I found TV boring so I would go off on my own to explore the world. At three years old I figured out how to open the locks on the door and I would sneak out. Sometimes I would end up blocks over at a neighbors house with them calling my mother saying “we have your daughter”. She would tell them I could stay and to send me home after (rather than coming to get me). At the same time my mother was over overbearing as well making it appear as though she cared… she would call incesantly when I was at a friends place and did not want me to have a babysitter because she was scared they would hurt me. Her message was not consistent.

Perhaps that is what I have an issue with is the inconsistency in behaviour…. hmmm I didnt realise that…