Dear Mika:

You are welcome. You asked if “this was an encounter of two broken people?”-

I don’t know personally of any person who is not injured, who was not injured in childhood, somewhat, somehow. And so, any two people coming together bring their past injuries into the relationship, I believe.

One very important element in a healthy relationship is that each person takes responsibilities for the consequences of the injuries suffered earlier in life. By responsibility I mean, really, not blaming the other for what they are not guilty of. For example, you feel lonely- it doesn’t mean she neglected you, might very well be nothing wrong that she has done. Let’s say she feels invisible, doesn’t mean you don’t see her.

The two people have to communicate effectively, to ask questions and listen to answer, so to check and find out what is from the past, the then-and-there, and what is from the present, the here-and-now.

When you inaccurately project your past into her, you don’t see her. If she does the same, she doesn’t see you.

* just saw your recent post- please don’t take all of the responsibility for what happened. It is hardly ever the case. Two people are responsible for a relationship.

anita