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17 and never had a relationship

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • May 8, 2018 at 9:08 am #206117
    Brady
    Participant

    I am 17 years old. I have never had a relationship. Every girl who I have liked has rejected me. I recently liked a girl, but I lost interest. I kind of like another girl, but I am having some issues with the thought of having a relationship, while at the same time wanting a relationship. I feel like I may be forcing myself into relationships, while also having a fear of love. I have some real issues with love. I think I need to talk to my counselor, but I want to know some ways to work on this myself.

    May 8, 2018 at 9:13 am #206125
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brady:

    Will you share about those “real issues with love”, what are these issues?

    anita

    May 8, 2018 at 9:26 am #206129
    Brady
    Participant

    Anita,

    I fear getting into relationships, while at the same time wanting a relationship. I try to force myself into relationships, while at the same time second-guessing my decision to like someone. I just cannot find someone who makes me happy enough tha I feel that I am actually in love. I feel like I have to be in a relationship with someone who I don’t have major feelings for. It is just hard for me to find and feel love. I don’t know if I haven’t found anyone yet, or if I just cannot find or feel love. I can feel love, but not always in a romantic sense. I think some of it has to do with my thin dating pool at my age, or maybe my underlying issues with love.

    May 8, 2018 at 9:43 am #206309
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brady:

    Your “underlying issues with love”- is it that you fear to get hurt, that your love will make you a victim, a target to be used or betrayed?

    anita

    May 8, 2018 at 9:51 am #206323
    Brady
    Participant

    Anita,

    My underlying issues with love are my fears of getting hurt emotionally or rejected. I guess that is a way to describe it. I also just worry that I won’t be able to be successful in a relationship. I fear that I will be in a dissappointing relationship. Those are my issues.

    May 8, 2018 at 12:56 pm #206351
    Jen
    Participant

    Hi Brady,

    I think everything your feeling is pretty normal. Remember, not everyone is in, or ready for relationships at 17, which is so young. You speak of being afraid of being hurt in relationships. It would be worth talking to your counselor about this, but I think this is a universal fear also. Just know these things and that it’s ok that you might not be ready emotionally for a relationship yet. Part of being in a relationship is investing yourself in the relationship that will inevitably lead to a certain amount of pain regardless of the outcome.

    If you fear this pain you may endure a bad relationship longer than you normally would because you’re fearful of the pain that will come with a breakup.

    Heartbreak is enevitable if we risk and make ourselves emotionally intimate with another person, even with our soul mates or life partner, we all end up going through some hurt and disappointments. Just know that it is OKay.

    Try to focus on if you want to risk emotional vulnerability to have a relationship with a person, and if you aren’t ready for that or don’t know, than they might not be a good partner for you right now.

    Just focus on yourself, and knowing that you will be okay if you do end up being hurt by a relationship. If we focus on being grateful for what the experience teaches us, than we will usually come out stronger and more ready for when the next relationship comes our way.

    Also, try taking people out on dates. Good relationships aren’t just “hanging out” and a few dates are not a relationship, just spending some time exploring that possibility.

    This is just my thoughts, things I wish someone had said to me at 17.

    Jen

    May 8, 2018 at 10:22 pm #206411
    jacob oram
    Participant

    Hi Brady,

    i am 31 and i still never went past a single date. when i was in high school and surrounded by North American students. i used to feel horrible and really embarrassed and i used to make all kinds of excuses so that my class mates will accept me and not make fun of me. when i went to university, where students came from all over the world. i found out that, outside north america and europe, not ever having a relationship when you are in your teens and even early twenties is no big deal.

    i hope you that you be happy whether it is in a relationship or outside a relationship.

    i didnt write this post to offer any help. i  just wanted to tell you that i too felt really ashamed when i was in my teens about never having been in a relationship.

    May 9, 2018 at 4:09 am #206441
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brady:

    You desire a close, loving relationship with a girl and you fear a close, loving relationship with a girl. Both exist at the same time, in the same person (you)- a desire and fear of the same thing.

    You fear a close, loving relationship because you already experienced getting hurt in the context of a close, loving relationship. Not with a girl but with someone very important in your young life, someone you loved, someone you reached out to. That someone did not reciprocate with kindness.

    You wrote: “I fear that I will be in a disappointing relationship”- you already experienced that disappointment and you fear experiencing it again.

    You mentioned seeing a counselor. I think it is a good idea.

    If you would like to share more about that early disappointment, please do.

    anita

    I fear that I will be in a dissappointing relationship.

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