I am a 22 year old female. I am Asian and have been living in the same house for most of my life. I have been attending school in the area from elementary up until now, university nearby as well. My parents have always been strict on me my whole life.  I have always restrictions throughout my life. I wasn’t allowed to go out growing up. I wasn’t allowed to do sleepovers or hang out with friends at night. I always had to request special permission. My parents have only trusted one person, my best friend, my whole life and they don’t let me hang out with anyone else, because they don’t know them. Due to the restrictions, I grew up as a “shut-in” and felt extremely isolated from the world. It was tough growing up and having expectations, to be smart and get into a good college. I ended up rebelling by doing drugs and hanging out with bad people. It was a phase that I tried but it didn’t stick. I believe I would have been an extrovert, but I am incredibly introverted now. This was my situation growing up, in adolescent years.

Fast forward to now, I am a junior in college, possibly graduating in a year but very behind from everyone who I graduated high school. I went to a community college and changed my major halfway through, so I ended up falling behind and now I won’t graduate for a while. Since I changed my major, I don’t have much support. My family believes I should be studying something more useful such as computer science or engineering or pharmacy.

Aside from school, I have been part-time jobs since I was 15 years old. I always thought working was my key to freedom, and financially it was. My parents controlled my money at first and did not allow me to use any of it. They didn’t think I could manage my own funds. Eventually when I gained control of my own account, I ended up blowing all my money because I never how to learn how to use it with moderation. I went out of control. But I never stopped working, and I have had part-time jobs ever since in restaurants, retail, and tutoring, and whatever else I could find. My parents were unsupportive of me working. I used to work jobs where I could walk to, but eventually…those jobs paid so little, like minimum wage. I started working a little farther away, and I pay $200 a month for Uber and other transportation services. My parents refuse to co-sign so that I can finance a car. What bugs me the most is that they bought a new car… and decided that I can only use it to go to and from school. That’s it.

This is a big problem in my life because it has prevented me from doing things that can have helped me with something I struggle with, which is depression. I feel like alone most of the time, and that my life has no meaning. I often feel like I can’t make connections with anyone. All of my friends have gone off to college in universities far from home and made their own friends and started their lives, and I am truly happy for them. Although, I have stuck in the same area and unable to break out of my current situation. I can’t do things like, go to the grocery store to buy food and cook my own meals, I can’t go on walks or go for a drive, I can’t even go to the gym. I also hate my body, and wish I could do things to live and be healthier.

During the school semester, I would create a fake schedule so that I could use my car for longer. I really hate to lie and be deceitful, but my parents leave me no choice. I cannot tell them that I simply would like to hang out with friends or even go buy some things at the Dollar Store. Whatever it is, they usually say no. They won’t let me go anywhere unless it’s school related.

I am currently broke due to a job that won’t schedule me anymore. And I am still paying for transportation wherever I go.

I wake up every morning with no drive. I often stay asleep because I feel like there is nothing to look forward to. I no longer feel like I can talk to my friends. I feel disconnected from reality. I need help.