I left my husband of 6.5 years in October of 2013. He was an alcoholic and refused to admit it. I was sick of the loneliness I felt, and tired of being a single parent in a marriage. So, I took my 4 year old and moved to my parent’s. During the process of divorce, i got lonely and started to look at online dating. I met a few people, one who had children and seemed promising…but he just stopped responding to my calls one day, so I moved on.

That’s when I met Him. 4 months after I left my husband, I found a gorgeous man. Strong, sexy, quiet, but assertive…farm boy, home owner, all together, perfect. No children. Didn’t smoke, do drugs, didn’t even drink alcohol! He pulled me in and I never left him. A month after meeting him, my divorce was finalizing and 6 months after that, I moved in with Him.

3 years and 10 months after we first met, He asked me to marry him on Christmas morning. With my daughter by my side, and tears streaming down my cheeks, and laughed and said yes.. He did not do this lightly. He was very careful with this decision and I knew it was his choice, not pushed by me. A week later, we told his family. This was a bit less heartwarming than expected, but they aren’t very emotional people, so I took it as a shock and let them warm up to it. My family was head over heals in love with the idea. They had taken him in as a son a long time ago so it was not a problem.

Within 2 wks. His mother was asking me to sign a prenup..which was a shock since we were paycheck to paycheck and they owed their sons money..so why the need? A few weeks after that, He was told I wasn’t good enough to have their last name and that I was in it for the money and the house…what money??? Seriously!!

He was then banned from the family farm until He delayed our wedding. I gave him permission to do this, as this was extremely stressful. We pushed it back one year. This was okay for a month. Then they did it again. Banned him from the property, and said if he didn’t kick me and my daughter out, they would disown him completely. He stayed by my side, for a month. Then his parents came up with something we couldn’t get around.

I was in school on Wednesdays. They didn’t know this. They also didn’t know I had my dad meet my daughter in the driveway after school to take her to his house until their son could get her. Well, they told him they saw a red car at the house. That I must be cheating on him. When I was questioned about this, and was told the time frame, I explained their error. He went back to them with this. However, instead of being apologetic and embarrassed, they got angry and defensive. They then said they saw me with a blonde man and taking him in the house. They came up with a huge lie to save face and keep their son for their own selfish gain.

He was unable to fight them farther. They threatened to throw me and my daughter out, so he did it for them. He gave me $1,000 for all my my furniture and my beautiful dog, he gave me 6 days, and roughly packed everything for me. He was cruel at the end. Very hurtful, playing the victim, and even crying to my dad about how sorry he was..but he wouldn’t say sorry to me. He would only talk about how hard it would be for us to stay there any longer.

I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment, 4 blocks away (not many options) and work directly across the street from His house.

Now, after all of that, my first weekend I was alone, without my daughter, I panicked and wanted company. I thought, okay, I’m single now. I’m 34, I can have fun. So, I connected with the guy I was dating before Him. We got to talking and met up the following weekend for a short, but sweet, date. The only thing was, he wanted to give it a serious go. I was caught off guard by this. He knew about the recent break up and the issues I went through, but he still wanted to try. I told him ok, but we would go slow and without kids knowing.

This didn’t stay a secret as long as I had hoped. Our kids go to the same school. We happen to run into each other, the kids wanted a play date and we just couldn’t say no. The kids found out we were dating about a month in. So, it’s been about a month and a half since I started seeing this guy, but only 2 months since my life was destroyed as I knew it.

My issue is, when I am with my new guy, it’s fine. I never think of the old guy or even feel sad. This guy makes me laugh, feel special, and he is great with my daughter. But, when I am driving alone in the car, or having family time with my sister’s and their husbands, I can’t help but think how we were just there for Easter. How everything was normal just 3 months ago. And now, I’m the odd ball out, the spare tire, hanging on the back for the SUV.

I have no told my family about the new guy, as it isn’t their business until I know it is going to be permanent (I say loosely)..

How do I deal with this pain of missing my ex? I get nauseous and physically ill when I see cars I don’t know at his house. I’m stuck in this lease for 1 year. I don’t know how to get over this. I have a therapy appt in 2 weeks. My friends remind me of how toxic his family is, and how lucky I am that I didn’t get stuck with them..but it doesn’t help. I still feel the need to see his face, to have him hold me, to here him say how beautiful I am… I’m lost