mark – you are correct in addressing these issues.  He himself has said that he has a history of sabotaging good things in his life.    We did address the drinking and he said as soon as he starts drinking shots (whiskey in particular) he knows its bad news and has said that he needs to calm down on the drinking, especially shots and especially when I am not around.   I do see progress in this area since the event.   I guess we really didnt discuss the rest (retaliation, him feeling down etc).     Thank you for all of you input and if you have any more please feel free to share!  Thanks!