Hi Everyone,

I’m having trouble moving forward in my relationship. I get constant feelings like we should break up, but at the same time I love my boyfriend and never actually want to end things.

We’ve been together over 1 year and are both in our late 20s. I love him a lot, this is by far the best relationship I’ve ever had, but at the same time the relationship causes me anxiety.

I finally figured out that my anxiety is mainly triggered by our communication differences. We do not intuitively understand each other super well & have to work at it. I think this is due to cultural & personality differences. The scenario is somewhat like when people have differing senses of humor and sometimes have to explain their jokes to one another. Or…another example specific to my relationship is that sometimes when I vent to my boyfriend, I have to explain my story several times or in different ways before it clicks with him. It can sometimes be tiring for me to do this but I remind myself to be patient. Whenever I start to get frustrated I feel horrible about it.

As a result of this issue I live in constant fear that when we are talking we will misunderstand each other. I am quite obsessed with it actually, whereas my boyfriend, when we discussed the issue, told me that he thinks miscommunication is a natural part of any relationship and it doesn’t bother him at all.

But for me, I constantly feel like I should break up with him over this. What complicates this problem even more is that I suffer with depression and anxiety which messes up my thinking.

I feel like I’ve tried so hard to stop my anxiety so I can enjoy our relationship more. I started seeing a therapist, I’ve changed my diet, I’ve forced myself out of my comfort zone to “jump in” to the relationship (even though I’m a commitment-phobe) and just relax but I can’t. I’ve never feel totally at ease. My boyfriend is trying to help to by “thinking out loud” more so I can better understand what he means.

And now I am stuck, because I cannot imagine life without him but I am also suffering & feel lonely. I know that I’ve focused on the negatives  for this post but there are a lot of other things that are well-aligned and good between us that I cannot fit within this post. However any happiness is tarnished by my anxiety. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, truly, it feels like some kind of punishment to be in love and yet in pain at the same time.  And I feel very guilty and like a bad girlfriend for having these feelings at all.

And now we are at the point in our relationship where things are getting very serious. We are considering moving to a different city together & will probably discuss getting married at some point. But I don’t feel comfortable doing these things when I feel this way.

I guess I’m not asking advice on what I should do, but rather HOW to figure out the right thing to do. How do I stop feeling stuck, and how do I feel comfortable with whatever decision I make. When I think about breaking up I feel devastated, when I think about staying together I feel anxious, nothing seems to feel right anymore.