Hi,

My relationship started 3 years ago from now. I am 4 years younger to him and he is 2 years senior to me in college.

How did it start?

I had a crush on our family friend in 9th class but in 10th standard, my family got transferred to a different place. But I continued to love that guy in my mind and heart (without meeting him, seeing him or talking to him at all)). I cleared high school and went to university and 5 years after I wished him a happy birthday then after 3-4 conversations when I started getting paranoid I told him that “I liked him and I have been liking him since 5 yrs”. He said ok and after 1 month when things couldn’t work out and I couldn’t accept the rejection ” HE BLOCKED ME ON FACEBOOK”.

IT WAS MY FIRST HEARTBREAK.

To get over it I started randomly messaging guys on facebook “They liked me and I enjoyed it”. I was just 17 then.  In our university, a confession page got very famous. And I curiosity messaged the admin of the page. Then we started talking more and more but he never disclosed to me his true identity. He did give me time but never said “I love you” like previous guys, I too liked talking to him and 2 months after that he sent me flowers and chocolate for my birthday. He asked me to meet him but as much fun-loving as I might sound I never wanted to get into a relationship or be friends with guys as it may ruin my parent’s trust.

HOW IT WENT?

I belong to Hindu ( a little conservative but educated family). But 7-8 days after that I went to meet him this was the first time I came to see the person with whom I was chatting to for 2 months. I didn’t like him at first nor his personality but still I kept on talking to him till our next date which happened 3-4 months after that. He asked me to order my favorite food, talked to me, listened to me. But on the way back he kissed me. I was shocked I didn’t want that at all. I got mad at him and didn’t talk to him but he kept calling me and proposed me that night on the phone .and as naive as I was I believed him. I told him that I believe that a girl should get physical only after marriage and plus I belong to the conservative family, I don’t want any guilt.  I made myself clear by telling him time and again but it appeared he wanted to get physical with me anyhow. Just a month after that he got me into his bed( I told him not to go below waist) and 2 months after that I lost my virginity. After that relationship went pretty well, he took care of me, he liked me, he told me that marriage won’t be an issue and stuff. Now I didn’t have a problem to go under his sheets because I thought we would marry one day. We used to meet every week (he completed his college and I was still at college). 6-7 months after that he started getting serious about his career. We started meeting once a month only but it never really bothered me much because it was for his career. I was bang on with him and into him.

When did the problem start?

A year after I suddenly got worried about our future together maybe because he started giving me less and less time. I believed it was because of studies but just 45 days before his exam, I got paranoid about “will he marry me or will he not?”. He said he doesn’t have time to answer this question. We started having fights, as we talked an hour daily but he didn’t have time to provide me assurance about future. After a week or two, he said he really wants to concentrate on his exam. I said okay just “tell me how much time does he need to answer the question?”  he said “a month”. I didn’t fight with him after that till his exam. But he didn’t answer me the question even a week after his exam. Then one night I asked him again and he said: ” It’s difficult, my parents won’t allow.”. I was heartbroken and told him to not to talk to me again and asked for let’s break up. Next day he meets me and said that now our priority should be building our career marriage is after that. I agreed to it. We met once a month and once in 2 months for getting physical. I had agreed to everything.

Now what?

I shifted to where he lived for my internship in  January so that we could spend a quality time together. He had an exam in mid of Feb so we just had 3-4 meets. And at the end of this month, he went to his home which is 400 km away from where I shifted. His parents are building a house and his sister is about to get married in November. And he has an exam to prepare for. We haven’t met for 4 and a half months. We had some fights meanwhile because he canceled on me or because he is too busy or because he is not being romantic or he is not caring enough. And 3-4 times I have talked to him about the future but he said building our careers is more important. Once he said that our castes don’t match so it won’t be possible, I thought he was saying this to annoy me. Once he said we have 60% chances to marry. He visited my place in June, but couldn’t meet because of his business(promised me to meet next time). He came back recently and again couldn’t meet him. He apologized to me a lot but suddenly it hit me ” This guy is never going to marry you. He is just finding reasons for not doing so.” And since then we have been fighting a lot. Now he has clearly said, “We don’t have a future together.” He is being very rude, not sensitive, not caring enough. He has said a lot of mean things to me and clearly told me not to talk on this subject about marriage. We can talk but spend our life together. He says he doesn’t want to ruin his family’s respect by marrying a girl who is out of her caste.

Is it all happening because of me:

Maybe because I have been constantly pressurizing him for marriage when he is clearly worried about his career and is busy with family work. Or he got frustrated for my behavior. Is it me? Because of my fighting nature?

Does he care for me?

Maybe he knows he will be busy for more than a year and doesn’t want to pull me with him. Because he gets really frustrated because of his career tensions and may scold me because of this. And as for marriage, he doesn’t want to give me false hope.

Why did I start liking him?

1. He cried once when I was about to leave him.

2. He paid every time we went for a date.

3. He liked me the way I was.

4. He used to cook food for me a lot. I never used to work at his place.

5. Once, a policeman caught us hugging. He took all the blame on himself and made sure I was okay.

6. Once I was about to vomit in a mall, he took the vomit in his hands.

7. He respected my consent in bed.

8. He never used abusive words.

9. He was more of men and women are equal kind.

We both have a strong family background. We both belong to the lower caste. But his caste is lower than mine.

Now I want to know is it because of me or was it supposed to happen. Should I stay with him or leave him?

Has he changed or he is still into me or he was always been like this but I was stupid to not to see this coming?

And If I am the one to blame then tell me what improvements do I need to make it myself.

Thank you for being so patient. Please help me out to what to do next.