Dear Sapnap3:
I read a whole lot of your threads of the last five years, all in record here. It is my understanding that you are “so entangled in (your) past” because your past is still happening. The most powerful relationship in your life, the relationship in which your young brain was formed, was the one with your mother and this relationship is still happening in the present time.
Your mother referred to you as her “retirement fund”. And your mother chose to employ a handy man for his services after you told her that he repeatedly molested you sexually, and her reasoning was that he charged less for his handyman services.
“When will I mature?” is the title of your thread. My answer: when you end your relationship with your mother and after some therapy.
I don’t think you are open to such a suggestion, but it is all I have. I got nothing to substitute for it and therefore I have stated it here as clearly and simply as I did and I let it go. I have no other input for you here or on any of your threads, from before or in the future. I hope other members will respond to you here and that you will continue posting.
Best wishes to you.
anita