“This thought above is very relevant to your post, I believe: you wrote that you are terrified at the thought of continuing to work like this till retirement age. Isn’t it the image of you being double your age that scares you, being an older or old woman?

I had a safe, secure, higher paying job myself, but I was afraid of doing that for the rest of my life. So I quit, many years ago. Well, I am now older anyway. Quitting didn’t slow down my aging process.

Will you let me know what you think about my reply so far? (I have more thoughts)

anita”

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Hi Anita, I do accept ageing. I understand its the natural process of life.

I think what I’m having problem with is an internal voice telling me I want a different life/different identity. I have no aspiration to become a CEO or CFO in a big company. Something is telling me office job has no real satisfaction that makes me happy or look forward to work. I am a responsible employee, I still deliver my work even if I don’t like it but I feel very much trapped in a corporate job, hence i started my own side business. I don’t understand what has happened to me at this point, because I work hard to get to where I am today. And it terrifies me that what I have been chasing for no longer appeals to me. I hope I do not sound too crazy at this point..