Dear Flower:

Your first relationship lasted five months. He broke up with you four weeks ago. You asked him why he ended it. His answer was that you are not his type and proceeded to list to you all the things he didn’t like about your appearance, including your hair color and weight. You then told him his answer hurt your feelings. His response was: “you asked me why I wanted to end it, so that’s why”.

Later on, in a note to you, he wrote: “the truth is I loved you but I was scared”. You asked him about it and he said that he had nothing to add to it.

You asked: “Do you think he was honest with the book note?”- I don’t find it difficult to believe anyone is scared because most people are scared. When scared in a relationship, people do come up with secondary reasons (true or not) for a breakup.

But there is another factor here: people, particularly men, most often do not say the truth when they break up with a girlfriend, they definitely don’t list her physical appearances as a reason. Instead, they try to be as nice as possible, partially honest or not at all,  so to not hurt her feelings, particularly to not experience her anger. Lots of men breaking up are afraid of that anger.

So it is possible that he was honest at first then backtracked with the note. To figure out his honesty or lack of: during the five months, did he compliment you on your physical appearance, did he tell you that he likes how you look?

anita