Dear Lily:

I looked in your January 2016 for information to explain to me why you believe you hurt this man you just met, a man who mistreated you by using you for sex within a week of meeting you and then disappearing from your life.

You worry that you hurt him not because you were anything less than polite and accommodating to him, but because, as you wrote: “I couldn’t enjoy sex itself that much, I went along with what he wanted and maybe he noticed. Maybe I made him feel bad because of it”.

In Jan 16, you wrote: “My father .. was critical of me. When my sister and I would fight, she always went to get my father and he always punished me and protected her”- reality was that at least at times your sister offended you but you were punished as if you were the offender. So you got confused and to this very day when someone offends you, you automatically get confused and think that you offended the offender.

You wrote a few posts ago, on this thread: “I used to fight back and yell at my parents or defend myself, but at some point I stopped”- will you tell me what you defended yourself from, that is, what was the nature of your parents attacking you and how you fought back?

anita