Dear Vicente:

This is my understanding: you have to be Number One. Not because you are arrogant but because in your relationships with your parents during your formative, childhood years (something you didn’t share about), it was instilled in you somehow that you are not worthy unless you are number one.

You wrote last year: “I am a very successful guy… But I still feel like a failure just because SHE is rejecting me”. Because she is a medical doctor and beautiful and so forth, you view her as the woman version of Number One. To gain and keep your Number One status, you must be with Number One woman, your ex.

“I see getting my ex back like something that I must accomplish at any cost”- I believe that you must accomplish being Number One at any cost, because if you are not number one, you feel worthless. And you fear that feeling.

You compared yourself to a guy she dated and you keep comparing other women to her because of your desperate need to be.. number one. You greatly fear not being number one.

You wrote about your ex: “I still feel like a failure just because she is rejecting me. What, actually, is absolutely not personal- she is rejecting a relationship with me, not myself as a person“- the italicized is your logic, your rational thinking commenting on how you feel. Thing is, as a child, you were rejected “as a person” for not being number one, and you keep fearing this rejection, wanting to undo it.

This having to be number one is draining your energy (“This is something that is draining my energy”) and is in your way of a healthy future relationship with a woman.

What do you think?

anita