Hello. I want to share with you my thoughts but I want to mention that I don’t know how personalization feels like.

You said you feel safe and happy when you’re with him, so you’re not completely numb.

Maybe you feel that if someone is kind, nice to you and likes you, you *must* feel something for them, because you’re not used to be treated like that. But you don’t have to force yourself to feel something for someone just because they are nice to you. Maybe that’s why you’re confused. Being treated well should be a normal thing, not something special. If you feel good while you’re around him, it’s fine. When you’re with him, you’re out of your head, able to relax and enjoy what you two are doing, that’s why you feel good. But when you’re at home by yourself you’re again in your head. Be honest with him – “I feel good when I’m with you and etc (whatever you feel) but I’m having a hard time, I would really appreciate it if you would be patient but at the same time I may never feel something deeper.”, you know what to say just be honest and real.

I have never had a boyfriend until I was 17 I think. I had a really low self-esteem, I was never liked back before, so when I starteose guys that I wasn’t necessarily attracted to or ‘right’ for me just because they liked me and made me feel some way. Then I got my heart broken eventually and I became a ‘serial dater’ because I couldn’t be single… The relationship that I have now with a boy that I know for 4 years made me realize a lot of things, made me change and grow.

And now I know that this also caused me a lot of confusion….because I chose people not because I actually like them AND are right for me, but because they made me feel special…or gave me attention or whatever.

But I can choose who I want to be with, I don’t have to accept anybody without actually listening to my inner self.

Don’t force anything and be honest with him, have your boundaries, don’t give in to your insecurities, talk to him.

Maybe you feel that if you had a bad past you deserve/have to be with somebody that makes you relieve those stuff. Not necessarily. You’re not your past, you can overcome it, you can feel better. Don’t accept people who lie to you, treat you bad. You have to communicate from the start what you expect from him.

I think I wrote too much, hope it helps!