Dear Niv:

You wrote: “now my family won’t spontaneously combust into being great… I have to accept them as they are”- I love the way you put it. Yes, you have to accept them as they are as in not trying to change them, not trying to make them know you or approve of you. But you don’t have to have a frequent contact or any contact with any of them. In my experience, I had to cut all contact with my mother because the contact itself kept me inferior to all, ashamed and distressed. It was automatic, hearing her voice, seeing her, sooner or a bit later, activated my distress and maintained my sickness.

As far as the rejection from women, from potentially romantic partners, that is unusual for a 30 year old woman who is interested in a romantic relationship, to never have one by this age (but it happens, I’ve been communicating with such one woman, much older than you, for months on these Forums).

What if we focused on this issue- you mentioned race, body size (being overweight) as two possible factors to explain why you were rejected. Thing is, women of all races, of all body sizes have romantic relationships, as you must have observed yourself. So that doesn’t explain it. Is there anything else that is physical that you think may be a reason, something that is very offensive to the sense of sight, sound, smell?

If not, then it can be that a very uninviting and unwelcoming attitude is showing in your behavior toward potential partners: angry voice, angry look, extreme nervousness (looking away from the person, twitching, non-stop talking, not talking at all/silence, etc.) I wonder if you received any feedback from others regarding how you look/ sound to them?

anita